When the past comes back to haunt you

I was grocery shopping when suddenly I caught a glimpse of a once familiar face. There, amidst cucumbers and ripe tomatoes, aided by the second verse of Abbas ”The winner takes it all” blurring out of the speakers, I felt an unusual pang of the past. The long ago, and already lived through, hope, disappointment, resignation and heartache was distilled into a second. During that second my past came back to haunt me, and it was as though all these years since had never been. I felt miserable, sick to my core, once again shivering in the cold backwash of a relationship gone bad.

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

But as that second passed, and the song continued, so has I. The winner really takes it all, and in this case, I was the unlikely winner. Warmth came flooding back, and with it an enormous gratitude. Gratitude for what once was, cause although at the time hurtful, it helped me evolve and grow as a person. Gratitude for what is: All the bounty in my life; the sense of self, the oh-so-good and loving man, the healthy and happy teenager and the friends that stuck. And gratitude for things yet to come: the making of a harmonious home, the adventures to be had, the laughs, the children, and time spent together.

I bought the rest of my veggies with a smile on my face, despite the depressing chorus.